I just need to take a minute to spew some thankfulness all over the place.
This semester has been CRAZY. I got on the roller coaster of sophomore year thinking that I would enjoy the exciting ride, but the bumps and turns and loop-de-loops have been a little more extreme than I expected.
In the last three months, I have experienced more emotions that I thought possible, even for an expressive person like myself. I have seen the Lord’s face so clearly and felt his presence so tangibly. I have felt more alone and more hopeless than ever before in my life. I have literally laughed so hard that I cried AND cried so hard that I laughed.
When I think about the best way to describe what sapped my energy, I think in terms of a race. I signed up for a marathon of classes, responsibilities, and obligations, and I decided that I was going to sprint all 26 miles and 385 yards. But I couldn’t do it. I collapsed half way through the race. I took on too much and I was going way to fast. I was forced to stop. I was forced to be weak and vulnerable. A new kind of vulnerability that required me to do more than just talk about my struggles, but to actually cry out for help.
And help came. A myriad of people came alongside me. First, they just sat on the side of the road next to my crumpled body, and allowed me to be weak. They were with me right where I was at. In darkness and in pain, they were there. They laid with me in bed as I cried. They brought me Starbucks when I tried (and failed) to study. They put up with my dramatic emotional swings and loved me even though I was unlovable and unable to give them anything in return.
And then they helped me to me feet. And together we limped forward. I wasn’t going to finish the race at a sprint, but I was going to finish the race. And I wasn’t going to do it alone.
This semester in and of itself has been impossible. I have been lost and wrecked and helpless and every possible dysfunctional emotion you can think of, but I have learned.
I am unable to finish the race when I lift my head and see the great distance ahead. But I CAN put one foot in front of the other. I can look at today and be so incredibly thankful for ALL that it holds.
I am thankful that my bed is so comfy that it’s hard to get out of in the morning. I am thankful for coffee that gets my body moving. I am thankful for changing seasons. I am thankful for scented candles and fresh fruit and hearty laughter. I am thankful for warm, sudsy dishwater before the soils of the meal have stained it. I am thankful for delicate, lacey dresses and the class of smooth pearl earrings. I am thankful for the people who have stepped into my life and altered its course. I am so thankful that no matter how difficult the present is, my lungs are still filling with air and my heart is still beating and my soul is still held by the almighty Creator.
So, with one step, one prayer of thankfulness, one moment of sought after joy at a time, I will finish this race.
Here are some snapshots of the people and the things I am most thankful for.