There are these few, precious, awakening moments in life that hurt like hell. Or rather, hurt like heaven. Those moments where your heart longs and yearns and breaks so bad that you know you must be alive, that there has to be more than what you are facing right now. That life is bigger than you’ve experienced, and as you’ve chosen to dive deeper into that experience, deeper into the depths of life, you’ve begun to drown. In your eagerness you have breathed deeply and prematurely, filling your lungs with the something foreign, sending a jolt through your body. The pain reminds you that even as you approach death, you are still very much alive, aware, and fighting. These heart wrenching moments are not without purpose. This soul stifling feeling is not the end of the line. In order for something to fail, it has to at one point be possible. In order for something to be painful, it must have the capacity to provide pleasure. In order for something to die, it had to at one point be alive. These moments remind us of hope. The ocean is so much bigger than what we can see and taste and feel. The threshold for greatness is insurmountable.
This is more than you can understand. You are more than you can understand. Embrace the moments. Embrace the sadness. It is beautiful, and it shapes you.
It is about these experiences that I write. This is the forum through which I process and wonder and give praise to the One who holds me together. And if you’d like, you’re invited along for the ride.
If you want to know a little about me, I’m an avid learner and a coffee consumer (the two go hand-in-hand). I love all things ocean, and my best hair days consist of the wild knots and sticky salt that come from hours spent in the sea. I’m an Arizona native, and the further I go from home the more comfortable I become with calling it such. I’m 23 years old, but I feel like I’m 20. My (not so) little brother is the answer to the prayers I whispered as a 3-year-old; he is my best friend. I graduated from Azusa Pacific University in May of 2016; it is my home away from home, mostly because of the tribe who has stuck with me through the years there. I had the adventure of a lifetime for a semester in South Africa, and I’m hell bent on finding Stoney Ginger Beer that doesn’t cost an arm and a leg to ship to the U.S. I’m learning how to love my Savior with my life, and I’m thankful for the grace He gives as I fall forward on the path of life. Presently I am back home, living, learning, and loving in Scottsdale, AZ and enjoying the wildness and whimsy of figuring out post-grad life.
Welcome to radical awakenings.